Wivenhoe one.

Hellooo and welcome to the first of a new load of blogs coming from pretty little Wivenhoe. I haven’t managed to get hold of a road map yet – I’m working on it* – but for this small introduction piece I don’t really need one. I only walked down ONE road. I’m lazy but you love it.

Oh, I nearly forgot to mention. This is an evolution of a series I started bored before uni in which I attempted to walk every street in Letchworth. Haven't finished that one yet but we'll see how this one goes. FIND IT HERE

*Finding one. I’d love to be able to keep you updated on my walking through drawing what would be a pretty awesome medieval map but I don’t exactly have the necessary skill set to do so

All ready to go. Notice correct sock to day alignment

The starting point: my house. Watsham Place, Wivenhoe, UK. Observe the lovely road sign that can withstand being bumped by my friend Johno in his car. He's a terrible sober driver. 

The view as you step out of my house and the direction in which I will be walking this afternoon

To the left, to the left. More on this later.

To the right - and a window to Mark's room

Onward, then, and a lovely picture of next door to me: the fire station. Handy if we're ever ablaze. Crossing the road, and we see a pub and the road to uni in front of us. Funnily enough, we're pretty much the first house in the suburb that is Wivenhoe, so about equal distance between uni and town. I have never set foot in this pub. It is named The Flag and one of the first things I heard about my house once friends had popped round to say hello was a rumour that it is a racist pub. To the other side, we can see One Stop and some other shops: an empty one that used to sell flowers or mirrors or something, Hair Technique (where I get my barnet done), Henley's the award-winning chippie and Boots. We're going in this direction. Henley's never really impressed me beyond its signed pictures of celebrities on the wall (Jonathan Ross, Chris Tarrant, Frank Bruno TWICE, Jasper Carrot et al) but recently it's tasted a lot nicer and I've found myself won over by its large portions at a relatively cheap price. I've never realised just how conveniently located our house is.

Faster than calling 999

Racist pub -> expensive corner shop that I shouldn't use in the stead of regular weekly shops but I still do

FISH AND CHIPS HERE 

Turning left at Boots, we get to the only road I'll be walking along today. But first, an apparently dangerous bollard:

Hazardous

... and we arrive on a fine row of bungalows that seem, well, charming. The gardens are all well kept & I begin to suspect that a blog stretched out from a single road won't be quite as boring as first expected. The houses look like this:

Judging by the camper: excellent residents.

If you're new to this series, it's at this point that I begin to bitch about people's gardens and windows. Here are two houses that seem to be named after places in The Lord of the Rings and a house that feels the need to display both '15' and 'FIFTEEN' in case the postman is an idiot. Which is unlikely, because they live close to me and the guy who delivers my post is really very nice. I apologise for the unclear pictures: that's the zoom. This is my first photo-taking walk and I haven't quite built up the courage to get close to people when taking pics of their house yet.

And onward. One guy is very slowly building up a garden chess set. He's stuck on one of four rooks. Much more excitingly, I found a garden with disgusting furnishings: a tree-look bird table with a stone squirrel on it and a stone snake to scare away bloggers who go for walks with their phone cameras. Nutter.

The second might actually be a little bit funny if I'd had the gall to hang around long enough to grab a decent picture. To make do, I have enlarged it for your delectation. But now it just looks massively disproportionally important to this blog. I HAVE FEW STRAWS TO CLUTCH

Nothing else really interesting on this road. A massive tree root, two colourful garages and a dude working on his car. How dull. 

MASSIVE. I told you!

...and we return home. Let's go round the corner from my house, towards our garage. Walking past the two other houses on our little terrace, I can see that the third has bin bags outside, an open electricity box and what looks like white spray paint on the door, downstairs AND upstairs windows (only the ones facing the same way as the door). Although this is where a lot of the football team live, and they do have a rivalry with hockey, I don't think they've been attacked or anything. It's probably snow spray that they haven't bothered cleaning off, right?

House number 3) - vandalism or bad fake snow still there in February?

Fuck da feds, I'm going this way (I didn't go that way)

Left at the end then, and towards my back garden. As the turning (it sounds long. It's actually about fifteen paces) approaches, I realise that I've never actually gone beyond it and decide to continue straight, to see the house behind mine. It turns out there's three. And they're really nice. One day, if I've done alright in life, I hope to be living somewhere like I do now. I seem to have forgotten to take any pictures of two of the three, maybe because one house didn't have net curtains and I'd feel bad scouting for thieves. This one has a big telly, a small fountain in the back garden and a basketball hoop on the side. Another is almost farm-housey, maybe owning the fields that are next to mine. 

Left at the tree for mine. Straight ahead on the left is what we'll term the farmer's house and at the end is the nice big house

The back of my terrace

Totally a bit farmy, right?

'Cross Fare'? This is the inside of the farmhouse gate

Let's turn around. Might as well show you my garden whilst we're here for a nice round trip. Disclaimer: we're students. Don't judge us too much. The left of these three garages is ours, and we have a door to it in our garden. More than that sucker middle house can say! In this we keep my beer brewing kit that it's currently too cold to use and we let Dom, a really nice man who lives round the corner and works at uni security, keep his 'classic car' in the winter. I haven't got anything bad to say about the guy, I sometimes see him at 3am drunk coming out of a club and have a nice chat with him. His car, though, isn't so much classic as old. But I'm no connoisseur.

This is my room & my shadow. I live downstairs next to the kitchen/living room and have a French window (well, in this case, patio door, not French windows (boo)) which is useful if I'm hiding from people but need the toilet. I can sneak round/go in the garden. HYGIENE SUX

A dead pot plant that was here when we arrived. In it I have left my herbs that died from not being watered when I was home for Christmas

Graham, our metal tortoise, next to the smoker's patch and a broken one of my pasta bowls. The old coffee jar I put out so Rich had somewhere to put his butts is kind of full, as you can see, but that's no excuse for him not to pick them all up. This annoys me.

Our slowly growing traffic cone collection. The one on the left is kind of lime green but you can't really tell any more. Bad photo and it's rather weathered

That's me done for my first walk in Wivenhoe. I hope you like this sort of thing, because you're likely to be getting a lot of it in the coming months. Or not. Subsequent posts will be about the same length, but much more brief coverage of a much longer walk so should be more entertaining. Pop back soon please.

Before then, you might want to give my friend Forest's new blog a try. He's just starting up, so be nice to him. At the time of posting, he's not actually published anything but word is that the first is scheduled for posting in twenty minutes' time.

Have a nice week!

J

2013.

2013.

PRIMARILY, this year I aim to make an effort. Even writing this, I know I’m in a pretty resigned mindset and doubt I’ll achieve these. I think it’s okay, I don’t need to get everything done, but neither can I sit and wallow. I’m only writing this because I have an unstarted essay due and I’m the world’s worst procrastinator. Why should I wait till publishing these to do something? You can do things without resolving that you will in print beforehand to scare yourself for fear of being reproached. Seize the day! I don’t need Ms Lindsay to push me!

Explore
Since the start of this academic year, I’ve lived in term time in a small Essex town/large Essex village called Wivenhoe. It’s lovely – semi-famed for its artistic community, full of pubs, really close to uni and has a nice bookshop and antique shop. And yet the only places I’ve been inside are my house, the train station, One Stop, Co-Op, my hairdressers’ and the chip shop. This is a ridiculous state of affairs and I am determined this term to have a snoop around and maybe even become involved in the community – my favourite performance poet, Luke Wright, is doing a gig above a pub this month and I’ve already recruited a couple of friends to accompany me. To aid my exploration of my community I’ve decided to bring back an old favourite. Who remembers my walking blog? Well I miss it and it’s a feature that’ll be easy enough to schedule, good fun and probably good exercise. As a sucker for alliteration, I couldn’t resist the opportunity to write a blog about walking in Wivenhoe, with the lovely benefits of being able to stretch my legs and get some fresh air. I’ve started a new blog just for those updates that hasn’t really been set up yet but you can find HERE. Do us a favour and bookmark it now, yeah?
Keeping exploring local is nice but I’d also like to commit to splurging a load of cash I don’t have on seeing a couple of friends at their universities (and, in doing so, completely justify it to myself when booking). I must go and visit Plymouth to see Al (and hopefully Bee), maybe a trip to Manchester for a couple of pals up there. I've got to see Laura sometime soon too, given she’s not exactly hard to get to. PREPARE YOURSELVES LADIES. Inevitable time spent getting to places on the train (to Plymouth takes 5 hours from Letchworth or something stupid) leaves me plenty of opportunity to explore beyond the boundaries of reality, too, and get my nose stuck deep into a big old book. I love but find it hard to find the time/bother to get any serious reading done so I’m looking forward to this one.

wORK & CREATIVITY
As the shameless king of procrastination – my apathy and vague narcissism really do know no bounds – I have got to get stuck into my work this year. I did so to an extent at the start of the academic year and remembered how much I liked my course and why I’d chosen it in the first place. I’m confident that this will hold true this term and serve only as an incentive. I’m penniless so being able to get a job – maybe exploring Wivenhoe will help me find something – can’t be absent from my list of priorities (and the structure that comes with working will hopefully allow me to slip into working for myself too).I’d like to blog again, even if it is only about my walking, though shan’t be as naive this time and promise much more than I can give. I miss doing a photo (however bad it was) a day, so might see if I can take that up for a while, maybe for a probationary period. Perhaps a second of video a day, a la this dude? Somebody remind me about it though, because there’s no point saying you’ll do something and then putting it off. Look – my new attitude shining through! And one I nicked from Cathy. Thanks, C.
As you may well be aware, my essays are almost exclusively written in the period from 7pm-10am so to hurriedly apply at the deadline, by which time I’m more tired than the look behind David Cameron’s glazed eyes. Needless to say this rules out most planning and pretty much all editing. I MUST begin to do these things if anything I ever do is going to be good. Was it Ernest Hemingway who said that “the first draft of anything is shit”? Whoever it was knows a lot more than I do.
I never write anything for myself, barely even jot down ideas anymore. I must write. One paragraph every two days minimum, with exception of essay days. Setting myself tasks seems all well and good now, before I do it, and though it makes little sense I take this as but incentive to further remove my ambitions from the accomplishable. By the end of summer I must have written: one whole song and one play of any length(as well as the short one for coursework); by the end of the year one page-long poem and two short stories.

FRIENDS
This is something I’ve been quite good at when at home, but not at uni: spending time with people I feel good to be with. I don’t want to have to continue to waste my days hung over, drunk or bored out of my tiny mind with people I do like but don’t find consistently enjoyable. I guess I mean do more fun things than go to a club bored. It would be nice to share a day or evening hanging out with someone. Maybe even sober! Musts: meet Laura. Meet Bee. See Zoe more. Hang out with the fun people from uni, not just mates. When home try and meet up with people I haven’t seen since before uni despite promising we would see each other.

SOCIAL MEDIA MODERATION
I’ve noticed since my break-up just before the turn of the year that I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time tweeting. I don’t know whether this is just because it coincides with a deadline but I’ve really got to spare myself some real world time. Everything is going to seem more fun, right? Hopefully it will help with productivity in any case.

FOOD
Simple, this. Stop making massive 3-4 person portions and then eating it all because I can’t be bothered to make the tiny bit of effort to store it away; or learn how  to judge the size of my appetite more accurately. With regards to shopping, buy regularly, sensibly, healthily and with an undefined but implied budget. The effects of my new attitudes towards feeding myself will hopefully be twofold: eating less at more sensible times (I’m putting on a bit of weight, me. The walking blog thing should help) and stop myself digging into my overdraft to attack campus shop sandwiches (why do I always buy two again?). Convenience food is my downfall. I’m not going to commit to that much less pizza and garlic bread but it’d be good to cut down. By the end of the academic year I will have more than three stock recipes.
For the past two and a half years, I’ve been a vegetarian. I’m really happy and incredibly surprised (or would have been should you’d have told me at the start) that that is still the case. Mostly my concerns with meat are my personal health and the environmental impact of it, so I’ve to my shame never conformed to the anti-animal cruelty veggie stereotype. The other day, however, I stumbled upon a Wikipedia entry in which I learned the process employed for the mass-production of milk. I won’t fill in the gruesome details here, but if you care to know just wiki veganism. I’m concerned, though, about how my diet would adapt to the elimination of milk and if I would be able to sustain myself well enough without spending a ridiculous amount of money on special vegan produce. So, as a compromise, by the end of year I will have spent two weeks to one month without having milk in my diet. Is soya milk nice? I hope so.

MY main aims are therefore sensible self-discipline, but not exercising too much self-restraint. Try and sort out a vague schedule but not being afraid to let go of the reins when able. I want to enjoy my life and not distorting the world for myself – but still be able to stimulate it. A nice clear head and scope to enjoy myself. It sounds ridiculous but I’ve written this in pink – by accident, mainly – but it’s made a lovely change and actually feels really nice. Cynicism can only do so much for you. I might carry on with such an easy-going colour. There we go. I’ve started already!

Here’s to a happy and active year for all.

J

Captions I haven't bothered finding pictures for: "I’ll leave money, exercise and learning to drive for now." // "Clutter will NOT be an excuse to fail to write. Living downstairs in a house of loud students, though, is perhaps acceptable"

Writing exercises - poetry #1

Evening. Yesterday evening I was working at a Luke Wright and Ross Sutherland gig - two performance poets who I have a real love for, the latter inspiring the former into poetry, who subsequently got me hooked on the medium when I went to Latitude in 2010. In the afternoon before the show, they held a workshop, which I went to. Not only was it really interesting and informative but we had a couple of 10 minute intervals to try out some exercises, which didn't give me the opportunity to procrastinate, my most seductive enemy. In the first, we could either write an alliterative (alliteration being the technique used before rhyme came into popular useage) or univocal (using only one vowel (Y counting as a vowel)) poem. I didn't get very far with my 'E' poem (called Fleet Street), so here's the product of the second exercise, a long one sentence poem which starts with an image, goes off on a tangent, and returns to the image right at the end. I read this out on stage (very badly):



Here's a transcript:

The anchor strained against the rope
Pulling the boat into the sunny cope*
As its crew flexes to catch the eye
Of the assembled gathering of passers-by
Who witness a sight too silly to believe
As the trends have changed no news reached sea
That the ladies of Britain are now hard to impress
With the sight of muscles bulging from a tight white vest
Other than one, Ms Daisy Hook
Whose more-than-a-glance is a noticeable look
That more than a few sailors see
(Most of whom assume she demands no fee)
A brawl breaks out, friends become foes
The Captain shrieks "She's just a cheap hoe"
It seems that little Miss Hook's look
Was the final fray of that crew's rope

Ta-da!

Okay, must dash, off to continue the poetry hype with an evening of being read to be Simon Armitage! Love the theatre I work at. Hope you all enjoyed x


*I'm not sure this is right. Is a cope a thing? You get a cape, and in France you get a cote - is cope in that sense a neologism?

Walking #5

I cannot be bothered to go and find all of my old pictures from this, nor remember about all the walking I did. Will one story do for all of the extra walking I've done?

LAST MAP

CURRENT MAP

So I figured I could get a section of this done walking to Baldock for a couple of tennis matches I had organised, and another (big) section done on a different route back.  Turns out I was a bit late so took a shortcut - partially already walked - on the way there, which I justified to myself with the thought of going over an entire estate on my way back, just en-route.  Midway through the second I realised I was so shattered that I couldn't feasibly walk home in good time, let alone get to explore Letchworth a bit, so didn't bother in the end.  I did get a little bit done, though.

Some assorted pictures I found from walking from ages ago:

  My friend Tom does a photo of the day. This was the 365th one. 

Stopped off in a pub in Hitchin. This guy blew mah miiind

My brother posing with a cowpat 

 

On the Isle of Wight, but fuck it: I looked down. A face stared right back up at me.  Granted you can't really see the face that much but I figured the story was vaguely worth it when this post looked a bit sparse.

Right, that's your lot.  Wednesday walking's back with a bemused smile and a newly undisguised apathetic outlook on the world, baby

innuendo fruit

So I guess my first blog for yonks should probably be some grand occasion, with loads of trumpets and guest bloggers and something meaningful, right? Instead I think I'm gonna do a subject I hold dear - innuendo.  And fruit!

1. Plums.

2. Melons.

3. Mangoes.

4. Is that a banana in your pocket?

5. *peels* one skin, two skin, three skin...

6. Brown Turkish Figs
7. Peachy

 It's almost always hilarious in my book.  I love a good double entendre or even a bit of a whoopsie.  I kind of agree with David Mitchell but there's still plenty of ways to make innuendo funny.  If you don't like it, just swearing over and over is hilarious too.

Might have ruined my topic somewhat there...


HELLO AGAIN (':

Lists: introduction, #1 sensible cocktail names

Heya, welcome to a new series of blogs which I haven't quite worked out yet.  It's going to be called lists and will range from hopefully amusing things to a to-do list. Maybe get some playlists in there too...

(I have partially nicked this off Zoe)

Without further ado, list number one:

Sensible cocktail names

1. A cold shower
2. An early night
3. A brisk walk in the countryside
4. Not tonight I've got work in the morning
5. Better put the bins out
6. Day trip to Centerparcs
7. Jager-pinchpunchfirstofthemonth
8. Queen Victoria

Do you like the lists idea?  Comment / check this out. Thaaanks

A really long introductory edition of Friday - recommendations

STUFF I AM LOVING - bumper first edition selection

Music:
This week I've been listening to Smother by Wild Beasts a lot. It's really quite something, loving the album - I'd watch the superb video for Albatross too, if I were you.  Directed by the ever-superb Dave Ma.  Also Lady Gaga's Born This Way has been streaming on the Metro's site and that's proper good too, don't worry about the three listens only thing, it's a load of bollocks and I'm listening for about the twelfth time right now.

Stuff that makes you think:
- This website is properly brilliant http://youarenotsosmart.com/ - particularly http://youarenotsosmart.com/2010/10/27/procrastination/

- ATHEISM WOO http://www.project-reason.org/bibleContra_big.pdf

- I like beer. That's no secret, and neither is my vegetarianism.  Loads of beers have isoglass in them, so this is an invaluable site (although I cannot vouch for ability to remember which beers are veggie when already pissed, so I'm pretty defeatist-casual about veggie beers) http://www.enchant.me.uk/#VegetarianBeer

- The fact Alex will do anything for me if I buy her http://www.amazon.co.uk/Buffy-Poster-Girls-T-Shirt-ie=UTF8&qid=1301006551&sr=8-4

- A must-read for TV people/women http://nymag.com/arts/tv/upfronts/2011/roseanne-barr-2011-5/

- This perfect blog about The Arsenal http://arseblog.com/2011/05/well-be-back/

- Adam Curtis is such a dude, makes some excellent stuff - all of which is available free online http://www.guardian.co.uk/tv-and-radio/2011/may/06/adam-curtis-computers-documentary?CMP=twt_gu

Funny things:

- Some of these are really good http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/lists/
- Hilarious.  I'd appreciate a gift.  No-one? http://ladyarsetees.spreadshirt.co.uk/football-fan-A15227989/customize/color/1
- The wiggles putting in a £17,000 bid for Princess Beatrice's Royal Wedding hat/fascinator/mentalist alien thingy http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-13435455
- Hilarious for a solid 1 min 37 secs http://breadfish.co.uk/Black/dp/B002O1YFF4/ref=sr_1_4?

Glorious photos:
- http://blackandwtf.tumblr.com/

- http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/50-unexplainable-black-white-photos?
- awesm=awe.sm_5HIpU&utm_content=awesm-tweet-button-horizontal&utm_medium=awe.sm-twitter&utm_source=twitter.com
- http://www.someecards.com/2011/04/12/unintentionally-sexual-church-signs
- http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llgdrvg39h1qb0drto1_500.jpg

Assorted other links:
- This classic http://www.popjustice.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=4952&Itemid=9
- This. Is. Brilliant. http://www.etsy.com/listing/47865406/cake-mail-mailed-for-you-a-nice-slice-of
- Always quite cool http://www.regretsy.com/
- Fantastic concept http://www.thrillist.com/home-gadgets/london/grimm_furniture_kitchen-barware

Other stuff I'm loving this week:
- Having already done a ton of walking and drafting next week's blog in advance owing to a lapse of judgement yesterday.  I've done loads for someone who started on Tuesday, proper chuffed (:
- The weather today being nice again and allowing me to dress like the tool I am
- Winning this babe
- Top mark of my year in history coursework
- chai tea and sexual ethics
- chai tea and this cartoon and these biscuits
- Blithe Spirit which was good
- DAN'S NEW TORTOISE CALLED GEOFFREY (sic)
- Hilarious pamphletting
- And last but most certainly not least the fact I've actually got some followers! Thank you all, you're very kind to put up with me whilst I'm kinda figuring this out and massive thanks to Vivatramp for the plug!

~

That's it this evening, I'm off to rush to Alice's and then Alec's to drop stuff off//watch Stevenage hopefully get into the League Two play-off finals.  Last majorly busy day before re-attempting hardcore revision, really, so that'll be, err, fun.  Enjoy your weekend, I'll probably be back procrastinating during it but no guarantees until Monday - see you then (:

Walking #1

I live in Letchworth Garden City.  It's a beautifulish place, the world's first ever garden city and has the UK's first roundabout.  We also have black squirrels.  Full of charity shops, churches, and gangsta 4 year olds.  It also has very long roads. I'm going to walk - at a fairly observant pace - along every road, street, avenue, dead end, cul de sac and close. 

Here's a brief précis of some of my week (well, started this series yesterday so not quite a week)'s walking in photos.  Stuff I couldn't get a photo of included a cat with its head stuck under a gate.

I was listening to Limbo, Panto by Wild Beasts on Tuesday morning and today I had a new playlist I'm putting the finishing touches to. Exciting, right?  Saddo Laing :(

 My thoughts included 'who's that twat with the guitar?' (a bit of an in-joke but it's essentially the way I feel like a pretentious twonk when I'm carrying one in public so apply it to others at the bequest of Dixon) before realising Kirk has had his hair cut so it looks like Wolverine and 'this unshaven thing is itchy and looks stupid'.

Sorry about the rubbish captioning and the lack of story, I'm dead tired and in subsequent posts I'll make it a small story with a couple of interesting or relevant pictures.

~

Regardless, this is all you actually need to read:

the last map

the current map

Not bad for my first two days, huh?

~

Anyway, pictures:

A so-small-it's-unnecessary cycle lane

Rubbish photo but I found it entertaining how the top half of girl getting a backie's body was completely still and utterly rigid but the bottom half was swinging about like a ragdoll

A very green town (apologies for crack in my phone camera lense visible bottom right)

At the time the crossbar seemed fascinatingly rusty

I found this poignant

An interesting tree

Remnants of royal wedding hysteria were visible all around LGC - I'm a royalist but the hangover is nauseating

An oddly short basin

A very odd random post in the middle of their drive

Something nice but I felt bad getting closer for a photo and my zoom's ruined it so I can't even remember why it was nice in the first place

We well hate signs down here. Outside the police station just before this was a pile of disused ones

Really sad to be genuinely excited at taking a peek into the building work in the paddling pool park

Found a ball. That was fun for a bit.

BIG EVENT - first time I've had to explain this to a confused bystander.  I was taking a photo of someone's garden here and they came home and I had to explain this project. I did so very badly and then stung by a bee.  Still, nice road...

Just for the interesting centre basket. Camel? Alpaca? Dog?

St George's

Something else I found poignant

I like triangles so evidently this shop on Commonview piqued my interest

Colourful houses

The two white houses made me think of penguins, or snowmen

Might write this car into a sitcom

The most drinkable street yet

The most cool garage I've seen

Best balcony

I once walked past this building as it was being opened and the guy who was cutting the ribbon got stuck in the still-wet tarmac after posing for a photo

This road was resurfaced two months ago. TWO MONTHS.